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Wisdom Magazine Article

Write a Forgiveness Letter

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Writing a Forgiveness Letter - Emotional Mapping

The purpose of this letter healing outline is to help you move your life forward with the process of forgiveness. This forgiveness letter outline has helped many people shift from being a victim of their history and themselves, freeing them to take responsibility for their lives (not fault or blame). Read the whole outline before you start writing. Writing may be challenging as it stirs up a lot of stuff that can be uncomfortable(painful), but persevere, it will be well worth your effort. Remember to Breathe.

Addendum; if you want to write a letter to send to someone; leave out the details in number one and two. You can make statements like; #1. I've been angry at you and blamed you. #2 My hurt and sadness have been triggered by you

#1. Anger and Blame
Allow yourself to release, don't hold anything back let it flow out of you! Blame everything that you ever thought they caused you to miss out in life, call names, (the worse the better), and let it all out, release your rage. When you start to notice some feelings of hurt and sadness, or feel painful tears, move on to the next part.

1.Anger and blame
I hate it when...
It makes me furious when...
I was fed up when...
I resented...
You are...

#2 Hurt, Pain, Suffering, and Sadness:
Express how their thoughtless words and deeds kept you suffering, how their actions or lack of actions created pain in your life and hurt in your heart. Again don't hold back. Tell about how it makes you feel sad. Be vulnerable let your little girl or boy express its self. Your sadness needs a face; otherwise your sadness can only express its sadness,
which holds you there.

2.Hurt, Sadness, Pain
I felt sad when...
It hurt me when...
I felt awful when...
I felt disappointed when...
It made me sad to think...
It made me sad to see you...
It hurt when you said

#3 Fear, and Insecurity:
Again express how their behavior made you fear that they didn't care for you any more or they didn't love you any more. That you feel insecure about them that they might leave you. Allow your strong and confident front to drop away on this part. The more you let it out the more empowered you'll feel afterwards.
3. Fears and Insecurity
It scared me when...
I was afraid that...
I was worried that...

#4 Remorse and Responsibility:
Take responsibility for your part in the situation, whether it was a very escalating role or one where you just carried it all too long even though you knew better. Express your remorse for your role; this is not necessarily saying it's your fault, it's just saying sorry for the negative situation happening

#5 How you wish it could've been or could be:
What you would like to see happen. Put pride aside and express your true wishes and dreams.

#6 Understanding, Appreciation, Love and Forgiveness:
This part of the letter should be at least as long as the first two parts (1&2). If it's not, you may need to redo it to keep it in balance,(you are most likely needing to express more in # 1 or # 2), it needs to be in balance. Open up your heart! Let LOVE talk! Try not to intellectualize, be poetic. Try to imagine walking a mile in their shoes, that kind of understanding will open you up to appreciation. Remember, forgiveness doesn't mean you agree with that person or what happened, it's just time to let go, it's for you not anyone else. Some day, believe it or not you may feel nothing but gratitude for this person, it happened for me.

*Choosing Who The Letter needs to go to:
First off the letter in its present form is not designed to go to anyone in the physical world, it would hopefully be too caustic and serve no purpose for you or the other person. The key people the letter needs to go to are;

A. Mother
B. Father
C. God
D. Yourself (The order in which you use any of these people is up to how you feel.There may be only 2 or 3 of these people that you need to write to, you'll know.)
E. Influential people from your childhood;
a. Uncles
b. Aunts
c. Stepparents
d. Brothers, sisters
e. Foster parents
f. Close family friends
g. Etc., etc.

Guidelines for writing the letter:

1. No rereading.
2. No correction
3. Don't worry about the grammar, the handwriting or the punctuation.
4. Don't worry about the way you write your letter, just let it flow.
5. Leave a big space between: #1 Anger and blame and #2 Hurt and sadness and #3 Fear and insecurity. The reason being is that you could be writing about sadness and all of a sudden you start feeling anger, so go back to anger and write some more about anger. Keep emotions categorized in their pure form. Example; Anger goes in anger not in hurt and sadness and vice a versa. Each emotion needs it's own expression.
6. It's not required that you start with #1 Anger and blame. Start with the emotion that needs expression the most, but still leave a space for all the emotions. Example; Say you feel sadness, but no anger. Write #1 Anger and blame and leave a big blank space and go on to #2 and start writing about hurt and sadness. If anger comes up as you are writing about your sadness you can then switch back to #1 and express the anger. Keep your emotions pure.
7. Don't hold back on any form of expression. If you need to swear like a sailor or verbally kill someone do it!!!!!
8. If you can't remember if you said something, say it again, don't reread it!
9. When you are finished writing, put the letter away.
10. Then choose a person, who you feel safe with, ask if you could read your letter to them. It may be helpful if that person where to be the symbolic subject of your letter (no opinions or comments are required from them, only a compassionate ear and presence.)
11. Select a time and day to read your letter,(allow yourself some time to process, don't rush it.)
12. Choose a place where you and the listener can have privacy.
13. On the day of the reading, create it to be a special day, maybe fast or take the day off for yourself.
14. Read your letter, be as fully present as possible, allow yourself to release, express and embrace your feelings.
15. When you are finished reading, distroy the letter (notice, it's no longer your letter it's now "the" letter), burn it, bury it, do whatever you want with it.

* That's It!

Good Luck
Love and Blessings
Mickey Magic
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